When Emerald met Silver
by Seriouslyme
Summary: A parody of all Draco/Harry fics out there.Seriously, its all so cliched. ::Oneshot:: Tell me what you think.Flames welcome


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A/N: If you like Draco/Harry, you better stop reading, now. I'm not flaming anyone, nor is this directed at any individual Harry/Draco shipper/author. So please don't take offense. I'm just venting off my frustrations because half the people seem to think that Dra-chan and Harry-poo are just meant to be together. I find this both frustrating and hilarious at the same time.

Inspired by nonpareil's 'To Fangirls, without love'.

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Harry Potter was fed-up. He was fed-up with everything in lyfe(yeah, typin liek dis iz a must). Sirius dying? Well, that was ok..sort of. Dumbledoor dying.. he was okay with the dying part really, but leaving him to hunt all the remaining Horcruxes??

A big fat NO to that one.

The old man expected him, Harry, to find and destroy all of them? Well, Harry had had enough! He had had _more_ than enough.

He was so,so depressed and emo, he had dark rings around his eyes from the sheer amount of pressure, lack of sleep, (and some handy-dandy mascara, though ofcourse, the author is not supposed to mention it), which complimented his totally emo look(and made him look uncannily like a panda). He had also taken to wearing extra-large, extra-baggy, hagrid-sized robes and dyed all his Gryffindor scarves black to complete his depressed Emo badass look.

Oh, and it should also be mentioned that he had gotten multiple piercings on multiple parts of his body and enough tattoos to compete with Micheal Scofield during the holidays when he had broken into the Malfoy manor(Oh shit! I ruined the whole plot of my other Draco/harry fic where Harry breaks into the Malfoys' with the blueprints of the Manor on his body to rescue his brother, sorry, _friend_ Dobby from certain death for a crime he didn't commit(it was Harry who murdered Voldemort, not Dobby. And the previous statement does not even make sense since Voldermort is still alive and waiting for the epic battle in the story and oh god! There are so many loose-ends in the plot, whatever am I going to do??Oh yeah! I know! I'll make Harry fall in love with Draco! That ought to make all the readers forget about my loose-ended plot which doesn't make any sense AT ALL). Anyways, Harry then falls madly, madly in love with Draco, and they get married, adopt Dobby as a son and live Happily Ever After).

Right. The story. Where was I? The peircings. Right. And tattoos too.

Ok, so after that, Harry adopted the infamous Uchiha Death Glare and just glared at everyone because his life was just so very, very hard and _non _of them could ever understand what he had been through, what with the death of the parents he didn't even remember because he was too small, and the traumatic experience of 11 years at the Dursleys(nevermind that Sirius had spent 12 years in the Azkaban, wrongly accused), the death of Sirius, the lack of chocolate in his diet, and many, many other things other people could never comprehend,( because he was Harry, with a capital H, and they could never understand him. No, their brain-cells were much too smaller and less in number). He hadn't smiled once since Sirius's death(Never mind that Harry still had it in him to laugh at a good joke in the series. Who needs canon? I'll just make him as Emo as I can) becuse it was just too much of an effort to raise the corners of his mouth when he had more pressing things to do. Like brooding. Or being angsty.

Naywei, (yes, it's fynali tyme to type liek dis) Harri wus jst so depressed dat hi had given up eating, bathin, brushn hiz tyth o doin nythin to maintain hiz hygiene dat he had skard avei ol of hiz frendz, even Ron n Hermione. (Itme orf ytops) He semllde os dab taht eyevroen kpet a fiev foot ditsanec ofrm ihm.

This depressed him even more, and now Harry was wondering if there was any point in life at all.

After a loooooooong time of quite, emo-like brooding, he finally came to conclusion:

There _was_ no point in life.

He also realized that he had nothing worth living for (never mind avenging his parents and godfather, his friends or Ginny. Or playing quidditch. Or becoming an Auror. He had gotten over all that loooong ago. Now he just wanted to die). It was at that moment that Harry decided that he was going to kill himself and end all this pain once and for all(poor kid didn't realize that the numbing pain in his leg was due to a pierced thigh), and so, it was with heightened spirits and a strong determination that he made his way to the Astronomy tower which happened to be the best place for committing suicide. (YES!!the Author(aka me) beams with pride! The Astronomy tower~aaaaaah, puuuurrfect for the clichéd ending!)

Harry climbed onto the balcony railing and opened his arms wide, preparing for flight. It was just when his legs were about to leave the stone that the realization hit him.

He hadn't eaten anything in two weeks!

Harry gasped as the full meaning of this sank in. Two weeks.. if he went on with this any longer, he would die!

Nearly falling off the railing in his hurry, Harry ran as fast as his little emo legs could carry him, down the many corridors and stairs and burst into the great hall where everyone was having dinner.

Everyone stopped eating and stared as the Lightening-bolt-boy-who-was-just-so-very-depressed stalked to the Gryffindor table and sat down, sending the people on either side of him running in the opposite direction and/or fainting at the smell that was emanating off his body.

Harry would've been extremely hurt by their behavior if it was any normal day, but as it was, there was nothing that could upset him today. Not when he was planning his escape, unbeknownst to anyone in the whole world, except that unbeknownst to Harry, there was someone who knew. And that someone was watching him at that very moment, his so-cold-it-made-the-air-around-him-liquidify silver eyes watching Harry's every move. As he watched Harry glomp down all the food within reach in a highly disturbing and disgusting way, sending his spit flying throughout the hall, the person's eyes softened until it was so,soooooo soft that they just melted right off his face and onto the ground in a pool of silvery feathers.(forget that feathers are solid and therefore, cannot form pools. Or melt.)

( The Author reads what she had just written in pure admiration. Her writing skills are _beyond_ reality! Really, who'ld have thought up such a purrrrrfect description of Draco Malfoy's eyes?)

Oh yeah, so Harry finished stuffing himself to the brim and walked out with purpose. Yes, he finally had a Purpose in life! Woo hoo! Cheers all 'round.

Ahem, so Harry once again climbed the many,many flights of stairs leaching to the Astronomy tower but at the last moment decided that he wanted to jump off the Potions Tower(because the Author has realized its much more original than the lame old Astronomy tower~and in a clichéd story as this, originality counts. The Author squeals~~she is so,sooooo happy with herself for being such a genius)

And then he jumped.

Harry closed his beautiful green chlorophyll-coloured eyes, preparing himself for the pain.

But it never came. Instead, he felt soft arms encircling him. Harry's eyes snapped open in shock.

(Time for the eye-colour description)

Emerald locked with silver. Or mercury. Or lithium. Potassium. Magnesium. Calcium. Or any of the silver coloured metals in the periodic table. You get your pick.

For the first time in his life, Harry found himself mesmerized by the most beautiful pair of eyes he had ever seen. Smoky-grey eyes, shining like molten(Author goes to get her periodic table for the name of a purrfect metal) zinc, nevermind the fact that something can't be smokey-greyAND shiny, shiny sparkling silver at the same time. Oh, and lets not forget that there were specks of green, brown, honey, pink, blue, ruby and orange in those emotion-filled silver eyes that starred back at Harry. They were so,so deep that at that moment, Harry found himself slowly falling into oblivation.

"What were you thinking Potter?!" The angry voice brought Harry out of his trance. To his ears, it sounded like a sweet lament of a song-bird. (omigod! I so rock at these description) Author applauses because she is just so very clever.

Harry looked up at his savior, shock adorning his emo-boy face.

"Malfoy??!"

"You could've died Potter! _Died!" _Malfoy sounded hysterical now. (a song-bird sweet hysterical)

"You saved me," Harry said in wonder, looking at Malfoy's heart-shaped face, so, so pale and beautiful. At that moment, the sun came from behind the clouds and Harry found himself gazing at Malfoy's pale, shiny face, which sparkled like marble in the sunlight.

"You're beautiful," Harry whispered in awe, wiping away the crystal droplets of tears that made its way down those marble cheeks.

"I've always loved you Harry," Malfoy said, gazing at him with –enter the name of any metal on the periodic table here- eyes overfilled with love. Harry's chromium eyes gazed back, the expression mirrored in them.

"I love you too, Draco."

And then they kissed, sweet and long, all the years of hatred forgotten as the realization that they'ld _always_ been in love with each other sank in. (Yes, all those harsh words exchanged was just pent up sexual frustration)

Author squeeeeeels! Such a puuurrrrrrrrfect story~ She feels sooooooooo clever!!!

~The End~

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Yep, I couldn't help bringing Twilight into this. I like Twilight, I really do, just..well, the Ed-the-sparkly-marble-guy sends me into fits.

So, I hope that was a good Draco/Harry bashing~ pity no one got pregnant in the end,eh?

Again, I respect each and everyone's choice of pairings, whether they're canon or not, I just couldn't help writing this after reading nonpareil's NaruSasu parody and some very clichéd and overly ridiculous(they seemed ridiculous to me) summaries of D/H fanfics.

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